Die! Die! Die!
by caldera32
Summary: Something ridiculous for April 1st- an AU for every episode (hint: Merlin dies every time)
1. The Dragon's Call

A/N: This is going to be absolutely ridiculous- but when (if?) you finish, please let me know if you'd like me to continue with the other seasons. This piece presents a death ficlet for every season 1 episode (hit-and-run style). Some of these are completely absurd, and the rest are even more absurd (okay, a fair few of these are 'normal', I admit it). The first several are basically drabbles, but the last few insisted on being longer (but not _too_ long). I was going to post them all as one chapter, but then decided splitting them up would be more convenient in case anyone actually wanted to re-read specific episodes.

If these are crap, please tell me because frankly, I wrote them in a couple of hours after a busy weekend- leaving me with nearly no ability to judge their quality. Yes, I could have waited to post them, but I wanted them up for April 1st and I couldn't be sure I'd have more writing time before next weekend. Anyway, hope you enjoy ;)

* * *

"**No young man, no matter how great..."**

A dark-haired youth trips and falls down a sandy hill, screaming all the way to the bottom where he lands with a crash and falls silent.

Two travelers coming from the opposite direction happen upon his body.

"Oy, who's this skinny little bligh'er?"

"Looks like 'e broke 'is neck, poor lad... well, least we kin do is bury 'im."

"Why would we wan' ter do that?"

"'Cos we can go through 'is stuff for payment, see? Got a pretty nice pack there, 'asn't 'e?"

"You always were the bright one... wha' do ya think, does this scarf look good on me?"

"Hmm... try this blue one- there, much be'er."

"**...Just forget I said anything..."**


	2. Valiant

Merlin dashed away from Valiant's chambers, snake head in-hand, not noticing the man in question observing him from an alcove.

"Think you're going to give me away, do you?" The knight muttered, calling the snakes forth and sending them after the nosy servant.

…

Merlin burst out of the physician's quarters without looking and proceeded toward the prince's rooms.  
Unbeknownst to him, two snakes were lying in ambush on a statue en route- the pair latched on, one at his neck and one above his ankle.

The pale youth only managed a short cry before he collapsed to the floor.

Knight Valiant came upon him shortly thereafter and made sure to hide the corpse where it would not be found for some time.

"Now for the old man..."


	3. The Mark of Nimueh

Gaius was just about to answer the king when Merlin burst through the doors.

"It was me! It was me who used magic to cure Gwen's father."

The council members stared at him with varying degrees of disbelief.

"Gwen is not the sorcerer- I am!"

The physician leapt up to protest, but Uther was quicker.

"Arrest him! He will burn at dawn."

The guards came forth and dragged the warlock away- quite unnecessary as he was going willingly.

He could hear Arthur arguing in his defense as the council chamber doors swung shut.  
He knew the prince's objections would be futile, _but at least Gwen will be safe_.


	4. The Poisoned Chalice

Arthur watched in horror as Merlin began to choke, then fell to the floor.  
He was oblivious to the chaos around him as he dashed to his servant's side.

"Merlin!" Gaius cried, kneeling by the boy's side.

Gnarled fingers reached forward and checked for breath and pulse, the old man freezing for a moment.

"What is it, Gaius?" Arthur asked; a slight, inexplicable fear starting to form in the back of his mind.

The physician laid his head on his ward's chest, listening for several moments before rising with a look of disbelief.

"He's dead."


	5. Lancelot

Merlin closed his eyes as the griffin reared above him, expecting pain to come at any moment.  
Instead, he heard shouting and the sound of metal striking something hard.

Cracking his lids open, the servant watched a stranger trying to fight off the beast.  
It turned out to be a short-lived endeavor when the man's sword broke against the creature's flesh.

"Run!" He yelled, and the pair leapt behind a fallen tree as the griffin took flight above them.

Not to be deterred, the great claws reached down and grasped the tree- raising it in the air before dropping it on its hapless victims.

Merlin and his would-be savior could only watch in despair as that great beak gaped open and darted out toward them.


	6. A Remedy to Cure All Ills

Gaius watched helplessly as Edwin summoned an ax from the wall and sent it flying toward him.  
Unable to prevent it, he accepted death and closed his eyes.

The sound of the door opening barely registered in his mind- but the terrible noise of the ax hitting flesh, and the gasping chokes of another person sent his lids flying back open.

"Merlin!" The elder cried, catching the boy before he hit the floor.

Still looking toward his adversary, the warlock sent the ax's twin into Edwin's chest before going limp in his surrogate father's arms.

"Gaius," he said in a weak voice "I love you."

"I love you too, Merlin" was all the old man could choke out before the light faded from his ward's eyes.


	7. The Gates of Avalon

As the weight of Arthur's chain mail dragged both of them to the bottom and his last breath of air rose to the surface as bubbles, Merlin truly realized the stupidity of running into the lake when he didn't even know how to swim.

_I really am an idiot._


	8. The Beginning of the End

Merlin walked through the courtyard, pausing to watch the headman sharpening his weapon.  
He shuddered and turned away just as the man's hands slipped, sending the instrument of death plunging down directly into the warlock's back.

_Not even caught and still I'm being publicly executed._  
Was all he had time to think before the world faded out around him.


	9. Excalibur

Arthur stared out his window, watching the black knight stand motionless in the yard.

He watched in amazement as a ring of fire formed around the dark figure; amazement that turned to bewilderment as he saw that it was Merlin creating the fire; bewilderment that turned to dread as the seemingly invincible warrior turned his sword on the now-helpless manservant.

"Merlin!" Another cry echoed his own- the prince hadn't even heard Morgana enter.

The two rushed out to the scene, finding the black knight had disappeared, and crouched beside the warlock's pale body.

"He's dead." Arthur announced somewhat incredulously.

The noblewoman collapsed against the prince's chest, sobbing softly.  
They remained like that for a short time, tears soaking Arthur's shirt as he sat stock-still in shock.

Finally, Morgana spoke.  
"I don't want you to fight tomorrow."

The blond shook his head, coming out of his stupor.  
"I have to."

Green eyes met blue before looking down at the bloodied remains of their mutual friend.  
"I understand."


	10. The Moment of Truth

Arthur cursed internally as Merlin went running across open ground to help Morgana with the fire trap, his breath catching when the servant went down.  
Had he been hit?

Apparently not, or if he had it was minor, judging by the way he continued sprinting toward his goal.

Any thoughts about his servant were then thrust from his mind as the flames blossomed and he gave the signal for the villagers to attack.

Between opponents, the prince made sure to check on Merlin, slightly comforted when he found that Will was now guarding his back.  
He wasn't happy with the way the youth was hunched over, however, but only had a moment to frown about it before two more bandits aimed their swords at him.

As if by magic the defenders suddenly found themselves with no more opponents, and Arthur made his way over to his servant- who was now being forced to sit on a bench by a frantic-looking Will.

The prince hastened his step and arrived just as William took off at a run.

"Merlin, what's wrong?"  
His overly-pale face was dripping with sweat and his face contorted in agony.

Cloudy blue eyes swiveled to meet the royal's.  
"Ar-thur."

The voice was faint, disturbingly so.

"Merlin, tell me what happened- I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

The servant huffed a laugh.  
"Nothing... you can do- I'm dying."

Arthur looked at the man then, really _looked_, and saw the blood pouring out of his side between pallid fingers to join the river running down his chain mail and soaking his trousers.

It upset him to admit he had noticed this some time ago but simply refused to acknowledge it.  
Merlin _couldn't_ be dying, it was inconceivable.

"Merlin, don't talk like that. We'll get you inside and patch you right up."

The servant weakly shook his head.  
"It'll be less painful to just die here."

The prince tried to interject but Merlin wouldn't let him.

"Listen, prat. You're going to be a great king some day, and I'm sorry I won't get to see it. Just... remember to listen. Listen to your people, to Gaius, to Gwen and Morgana- listen to your heart."

Just then Will returned with Hunith who fell to her knees in front of her son.

"Merlin!" She wailed, weeping bitterly.

The boy favored her with as wide a grin as he could manage.  
"I love you, mother" he whispered, dripping red hand falling into his lap and body slumping further as he passed out from the blood loss.

"Merlin, no, you can't do this..." Arthur shook the younger man's shoulders.

"Prat..."

The prince leaned forward to hear the barely-whispered words.

"Thank you."

Arthur let the tears fall down his face as his first true friend passed from the world.


	11. The Labyrinth of Gedref

Merlin gazed in admiration at the mystical beast before him.  
The unicorn was pure white, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

Approaching slowly, he reached out and petted its nose- reveling in its calming presence.

He heard leaves rustling and was snapped out of his trance.  
"Go- go! Please go..."

The equine didn't move, though the warlock was looking about frantically.  
"They're going to kill you, please go!"

Something glinted in his peripheral vision and he spied the prince taking aim with his crossbow.

"Arthur, no!" He shouted, but saw that it was in vain.

Turning back to the unicorn he shoved at it with his hands and magic, managing to move it out of the path of the bolt.

Unfortunately, he lost his balance and wound up toppling over, the sharp metal head and wooden shaft buried themselves in his chest as the great white animal reared and ran off.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried, sliding down the embankment to reach his servant faster.  
"You idiot! What did you do that for?"

The prince didn't realize the extent of the injury until he reached the young man's side and saw the blood pouring out, the youth's blue orbs already growing glassy.

"Merlin?" Pressing his hands to the wound, he tried to get a response from his friend.  
"Merlin... you've got to stay with me- look at me, Merlin."

Glazed eyes moved to stare at him, the consciousness behind them fading.  
The servant's mouth moved slightly as if he was trying to talk, but the words never quite formed.

"Merlin?" Those familiar eyes were still open, pointed in his direction, but Arthur knew their owner was no longer seeing through them.

Aware the rest of the hunting party had not yet caught up, the royal indulged in a choked-off sob and hugged the body to his chest briefly.  
Then he blinked away the moisture gathering in his eyes and stood stiffly.

_No man is worth my tears..._


	12. To Kill the King

Arthur had kept him late that night and Merlin was hurrying up the stairs in a rush to get home to bed.

He had just set foot on the topmost landing when a strange sort of buzzing filled his ears and an odd tingling flooded through his body.  
There was strong magic happening somewhere in Camelot.

His senses couldn't seem to make head or tails of what was going on through the torrent of power.  
In fact, the experience was so overwhelming he didn't even feel it when he tumbled backward down the steps and cracked his skull open.


	13. Le Morte D'Arthur

"I willingly give my life for Arthur's."  
Merlin said boldly.

"How brave you are," Nimueh taunted "but it's not that simple."

"What do you mean?" The warlock asked, suspicious.

"I do not have the power to take _your_ life in exchange- but I can take one close to you... your mother perhaps?"  
An image formed between them showing Hunith working in the fields.  
"Or that foolish old man you love like a father?"  
Another image, this time of Gaius sitting at his worktable with hands folded and a sorrowful expression on his face.

"No!" Merlin yelled.  
"I offer _my_ life- you cannot have theirs."

The priestess continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"Yes, I think I'll take Gaius- it's about time, don't you think?"

A golden cup appeared on the altar and the vision of Gaius showed the man suddenly grasping at his throat, face growing red.

"You let him be!"  
Merlin thrust out his hand and a wave of force crashed toward Nimueh, who simply brushed it off with an absent-minded gesture.

"Oh, you ought not to have done _that._"  
A crackling ball of fiery power formed in her hand and she hurled it toward Merlin who, unable to evade, took it straight in the chest and fell to the earth.

Chuckling lightly, the sorceress turned back toward the altar- missing the lanky form of her doom rising behind her.

"You _will not_ kill them." He proclaimed, a hand reaching to the clouds as if he would pull the very sky down on her head.  
Lightning heeded his call and struck his enemy, leaving no trace of the treacherous woman behind.

Rain began to fall, filling the cup to the brim.

A niggling feeling told Merlin _this _is what would cure Arthur and, pulling a water skin from his belt, he magically coaxed every last drop inside.

…

"The prince lives." Gaius announced.

Merlin ceased his pacing to grin at the old man, then the reality of the situation hit and he grew somber. The two men shared a few private moments before the younger retired to his room, sitting in silent contemplation as he stared at the rabbit's foot his mentor had lent him.

When the morning sun streamed through the un-shuttered window, it caressed the gently smiling face of a corpse that had once been the prince's manservant.

A man who had been happy to serve until the day he died.


	14. The Curse of Cornelius Sigan

A/N: Figured I may as well continue- these only take a few moments each anyway :)

* * *

The smoke was quick to do its work and Merlin had collapsed in the hay before he even noticed the odd scent in the air.

Cedric hastened to begin untying the horses and slapped their withers to get them moving.

One of the younger horses, a half-trained stallion, spooked at the unusual activity and reared; pawing at the air before coming down to trample the unwitting manservant below.

The would-be thief felt a moment's remorse- he had never meant to become a murderer- but soon shrugged it off.

It would be so much easier to get the key without _Mer_lin in the way.


	15. The Once and Future Queen

A/N: As you can see, updates for this will likely be few and far between (unless I have a little marathon) but I do plan on doing the whole run- it just may take a while.

This one goes out to britfanatic76 whose review/tweet combo was enough to nudge me into writing this chapter and, of course, all of you other lovely people who have reviewed :)

I also find it amusing that this series has many more reviews than my reveal series that runs parallel (53 vs. 35 when I first noticed the disparity)- also very telling...

There were so many ways to do this episode, but the scene with Merlin waking up on the floor (with the camera showing his viewpoint) really caught my attention, so here we are.

* * *

The floor, the laundry, and the leech tank- he could handle those, couldn't he?  
Apparently not.

It had gone well at first, dirty clothes washing themselves and a magically animated rag taking care of the tank while he scrubbed the floor by hand.

Then he had started to feel drained, more and more with each passing moment.  
It felt like he had a heavily bleeding wound the energy was pouring out of him so quickly.

_Maybe this wasn't a great idea..._

It seems exhaustion did not go well with carefully maintaining the flow of one's power.  
Still, he was almost done and then he'd be able to get some much-needed sleep.

Gaius found him the next morning, sprawled out on the floor and wheezing; shallow breaths not providing enough air.  
Dull blue orbs looked out from half-raised eyelids.

"Merlin!"

The warlock tried to answer his mentor but found he didn't have the breath for it- even once weathered hands had turned him over.

"What's happened?" The physician inquired, checking his ward over for injuries.

Merlin's mind was a haze of confusion, but he knew an answer was required.  
What had Gaius wanted? Oh yes, the chores.

"F'n'shed," he whispered, managing a small smile before the darkness claimed him.


End file.
